incessant chattering....

incessant chattering....incessant chattering....incessant chattering....incessant chattering....incessant chattering....incessant chattering....incessant chattering....incessant chattering....incessant chattering....incessant chattering....incessant chattering....incessant chattering....incessant chattering....incessant chattering....incessant chattering....incessant chattering....incessant chattering....incessant chattering....incessant chattering....incessant chattering....incessant chattering....

I can't seem to make my mind turn still.... calm.... QUIET.
It continuosly goes to negative and I work so hard on going to the positive. But... it doesn't seem to matter... it is constant work it seems. At least right now.
woe is me... boo-freaking-hoo.

I don't know what to change....I just wanna be better.

For once...

it was not overanalyzing and it actually did some real good to think about it an extra round. And talking to your best friend sometimes just makes you see things clearer. Thank god for that... and thank god for best friends. Otherwise I would be killing myself over something that actually turned out to be a good thing.. and that helped me see what was truly going on and the reason why. Time to let that other not so great thought out of my head for it was truly - nothing.

goodnight once more.

puss.

O v e r a n a l y z i n g

When is it too much and when is it not enough? When do you feel too much and when do you feel too little? How do you know what you're feeling at times... truly?... Over-analyzing would be the key word in this entry.
It's just I feel cold. off. shut down. Emotionally. I do not enjoy this feeling. It feels like it has to do with self protection, preservation. I am used to feeling so much all the time and when I kind of shut down like this... it scares me. It is something to which I am not accustomed.
I worry way too much.

goodnight.

I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.

that being said - doesn't mean I don't work hard to be at my best as often as humanly possible.

what to do...

...when you feel that you have no where to go but - down. Well that's being a bit dramatic but nowhere to go but - backwards. I didn't get the job I wanted so badly and I will most likely have to move back with my mother. I realize that I am seeing the glass as half empty... but the thing is that this is true. If nothing great comes up then I don't have much of a choice. 
I am just utterly frustrated. I wish that things were different... that things were the way I wanted them... 
wow that sounds really lame... 
I guess I'm just one of those people that needs to feel the bad and then I can go on and focus on the positive. I want so much to be where my boyfriend is but that just seems... so far away and I don't quite know how to turn that into a positive :(

I should sleep.
evening.

crying...

...is really painful.

Angelina

I just realized... I have a blog named I Stalk Angelina Jolie and I don't even have a picture of the most beautiful woman in the world... so here are a few of my love-

 

  

  

  

How do I love thee let me count the ways... I don't call myself a stalker for nothing yo. Well I would never really stalk her... but I admire her in so many ways and I just can't seem to get enough of looking at her.

J'adore Angelina.

Models...

I was just reminiscing about how much I adored the 90's supermodels... I thought they were amazing and the epitamy of female-ness. That's a word I just made up. I wanted to be them - Nadia Auermann, Linda Evangelista, Cindy Crawford... the list goes on. I remember watching MTV and VH1 in the states and seeing the George Michael Videos - "freedom" and "too funky" and just sitting at the edge of my seat and just wanting to see more of these gorgeous creatures. Stephanie Seymour is another favorite as well. I was searching some pictures that made me think of this time and found some absolutely fabulous ones....

 

  

Just lovely if you ask me. I got inspired to share these photos that I found because of a friend of mine's blogg. La petite noir. I'll give you the link - she focuses on lingerie and knowledge of lingerie and brands. It's a lovely blogg.

http://www.lapetitenoire.se/ 

Write more soon.

love.

Consider this.

Consider this - not remembering the first seven years of your life...actually not remembering. Consider this for a moment. Really think about this. Seven years, that is double the time you spend in highschool - and you don't remember it. Fragments of this time may come to you once in a while but mostly because you stumble across a picture that is in your mind, or in an album. And a part of you goes - this looks vaguely familiar.

Consider this.